Life dating 101

Posted by / 12-Aug-2020 09:30

Although the umbrella term falls under LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer), it’s sometimes even misunderstood within these communities.At the turn of the 19th century, “queer” was used to describe something “odd” and also came to be understood as a negative term for those who engaged in same-sex relationships.“I worry that guys I date might act weird about it.”Pushing it under the rug is indeed one way to “act weird about it.” Not acknowledging someone’s identity this can make them feel invisible and like they don’t matter.Respect where people are coming from, their perspective, and their politics, no matter who they are.In the early 2000s, this become part of larger conservations on speaking about non-normative sexual and identity politics in a more inclusive way.Today, many people consider the word “queer” an important way to express to their potential partners their point of view and how they identify.When I started to disclose on my dating profile that I was queer, then matched with men, I was often met with questions about the meaning of the word “queer,” accusations, and even some astonishment.Men would either ask me to explain what the term meant, incorrectly assume they knew exactly what it meant, or completely misidentify me.

“My queerness is a pretty big part of my life, and even if I were in a relationship with a man, I’d still attend queer events, consume shitloads of queer media, and have mostly queer friends,” says Hannah, 22.“More often than not, the interest I get from [heterosexual] men is fetishizing,” says Katie, 29.“I have gotten requests for wild sexual interactions as well as requests to be a ‘unicorn’ — a bi chick who sleeps with or dates couples.It quickly became a frustrating ritual for me, a self-identified queer woman and someone with a graduate-level education in gender and queer studies, to constantly be in a position of educating.While, in 2019, it seemed to me and my direct group of friends and peers that queerness was a pretty widely accepted and understood term, as I started to dig a little deeper, it became obvious that many people are still uncomfortable with or don’t understand what being queer means.

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