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Better yet, stash a Starbucks gift card into your note, or offer to take your reference out to lunch.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you’ll always be doling out glowing praise.If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” Carvajal says.“If you cannot give a positive reference, don’t bother being a reference.”And while you could give the “I’m too busy at the moment” excuse, honesty is probably the better way to go, says Giammatteo.To let a requester down lightly, you could tell him that you don’t think you’re suited to speak to his skill set.Or you might outright admit that you weren’t happy with his performance, but frame it as not wanting to hurt his chances of landing the position.“Of course, being this honest might cost you a relationship with this person, but it’s still the best way to handle it,” Giammatteo says.3.
But how much time do you spend prepping your list of references? While most of us stress over other details–our outfits, our interview questions, our handshake–many of us likely don’t give nearly the same level of detail to the process of asking people to vouch for our professional accomplishments.