Dating success mp3 speed dating salem oregon
However, if you cannot reach the goal, then you either need to abandon it, or change. However, if the person is asking for a lot and/or has not developed many other positive qualities, then he/she might have to further become "whole" before he/she can attain the love life desired. To me, "what you hold true to, and what you change" depends on your goals. Even the goal of "be yourself" depends on who you want to be or feel you should be.If you can reach the goal you set with who you are, then no change or improvement is required. I'm not saying the concrete approach of goals/feedback doesn't work--I just want to make sure the deeper role of values doesn't get left out. I too believe that "values" are an important guide and precursors to your goals. Some of my readers, being versed in "pick-up", use different terminology. He or she has demonstrated high value - or has high value.Relationships (from friends-with-benefits to marriage) are an at the core. All my observations have shown me that not being your true self always fails in the long run.When a relationship is a good deal for both partners, they stay and trade together. Take a moment (or longer) and figure it out.2) Decide what you will give in return - There is no such thing as getting something for nothing. So, what are you planning to bring to the exchange? Think about all of the strengths, benefits, and positive qualities you have to share with a partner. It is unrealistic to expect to buy a mansion with pocket-change. Who cares if you can get the girl by temporarily being self confident, if it isnt already who you are chances are your lack of it will show up in your relationship causing your lady friend to be disapointed,and finally, if its not who you really are why the hell would you want to be with a women who made that a priority?Many partners, in healthy and committed relationships, can do even better with a bit more alone time and independence to develop themselves. To me, "what you hold true to, and what you change" depends on your goals. As for what the "right" other person will do - that too depends on the ratio of what they are giving to what they are getting.If you can reach the goal you set with who you are, then no change or improvement is required. For example, if the "traumatized" individual has a lot of other positive qualities to give and/or is asking very little of a partner, then the exchange might still be equitable before the person becomes "whole". I'm sure they derive (to some extent) from your values, which are also necessary to know when to stick with goals and when to abandon them (depending on how each option fits with those values).Of course, that isn't to say that people's values don't change over time.But, actual values change might be closer to "changing the self", as opposed to this discussion, which is more "changing expressions of the self".
Essentially, according to the theory, the stability of all relationships are the result of each individual making decisions about the following: So, we form relationships with people who give as much to us as we give to them (ratio), treat us in accordance with our expectations (satisfaction), and are our best alternatives at the time and place (dependence).So, it does answer the whole "how do I set goals" and "how to I decide how to adjust from feedback" questions.You do so by consulting your values and making decisions that are congruent with them.Staying true to your values is indeed a wonderful way to stay authentic to who you are at the core, while also reacting to feedback necessary to accomplish desired goals.Essentially, values in this sense, would give the individual "allowable parameters and guiding information" to set goals and make feedback adjustments, that would still be congruent with his/her desired self-concept.
So I would say to the traumatized person: yes, work on your trauma, but do it for yourself, not because you think others will like you better if you do.